Another Valentine's Day is about to come and go. Every year, people buy outrageous gifts to share with their loved one on a random weekday that American's have dubbed a day of love. Valentine's Day was always a chocolates-and-flowers kind of holiday, but now millennials have decided to spoil each other with thousand dollar watches and vacations to places. Of course no one I know personally gets these kinds of things, but it's all I see on my Twitter feed.
The last time I shared a valentine with someone was my high school boyfriend, Corey. We started dating on January 22 and he got me a beautiful necklace that was probably not worthy of only a month of dating. But we were young and in love and whatever. That was the last time that I got to exchange a gift with someone on Valentine's Day that isn't my mom... a whole NINE years ago. Just think of all of the money I have saved from not having a valentine for all these years..
So when I started to think of a topic for this week (seeing how I couldn't write about my own personal valentine experience), I turned to the internet. Thankfully, there is Facebook group I am a part of that is filled with girls who were willing to share their horror stories of finding love for Valentine's Day. Dozens of women opened up about their worst stories and I even got a few that had happy endings (and not just the good kind 😉). All of these stories of failed dates and men who overstayed their welcome got me to thinking just how little we really go on a "date". And how do these dates come to fruition? Often times it's months and months of talking and texting and swiping right but half the time the dates either suck (like my last blog) or they just never come to be. Why is it that men don't want to take the time to plan an old fashioned date like they once did?
I heard dozens of stories of women taking initiative to plan the date, only to have the men complain the whole time, or women who waited so long for a man to plan something that she found someone else in the meantime. But when a man does take the initiative to plan something special, isn't it terrifying leaving the comfort of your home to hopefully enjoy whatever he has planned? And deciding what to wear because you may be going on a safari or you might be dining at a five start restaurant is a daunting task. So I turned to the experts, because clearly that isn't me, and here are some of the best stories I got...
A girl in my group met someone on Bumble, they chatted for a bit and then he said he wanted to plan a special date. He asked her to meet him at his apartment complex (note: you probably shouldn't do this on a first date, but she recognized this and now we're moving on). When she got there, he said it was such a nice day, they should walk. I could get behind this because living where I do, Main Street is only a few blocks away and why would we drive and try and find parking? I mean personally I would probably Uber over walking, but whatever. They get to the restaurant for brunch and he asks if it's too early for a Bloody Mary (I mean... NEVER too early for alcohol, especially on a date), he orders his cocktail and they're having a good time - or so I'm assuming, I wasn't there - and then he drops the bomb. Not as bad as having anal cysts (i.e last week's blog in case you missed it), but that the real reason they walked wasn't so they could enjoy the sunshine, maybe hold hands or something cute, but actually because he lost his license to a DUI... And just how do you escape that? Stuck at a table with a person you thought you were understanding but then there's this..
Another one of my favorites came from a date where the guy worked in sales. We love men with ambition, and if you're a good salesman, chances are you stretch the truth a bit, right? You need to tell white lies to get people to buy your bullshit, and our friend here was no exception. Days after the what 'seemed normal' date, our salesman was spotted as the "come get your popcorn" guy at the local stadium. I mean sales, sure, but probably not the type of sales she had in mind.. Maybe he stretched the truth a little too far for this one..
But even with the stories that seem too bad for redemption, there is a lid out there for every pot. But sometimes we grab a lid that's unusually large to fit our pot (pun intended). It can be exhausting trying lid after lid in search of that perfect fit, but it has to be done, otherwise we would never experience our water boiling over. This Valentine's Day, test your lid out to make sure it's the right one. Count your blessings if you aren't finding yourself experiencing the horrors of dating, especially during this week of love. If you are on the market and in search of someone new, maybe wait until next week to dip your toe back in. Nothing would be worse than adding to the horror story of a first date while being surrounded by roses and hearts and pre-fixed love menus that restaurants offer.
I've said it before and I will say it again, dating is hard. But when you grow old and finally find your lid, then you can look back at these bad stories and laugh and learn how to raise your own male children so that they don't grow up to talk about their assholes or ask how much student debt you're in on the first date. Men suck, but your man won't suck when you find the right one. Or at least he shouldn't for the first few years... And with all of that said, I've written a poem for all the hopeless romantics out there like myself...
enjoy this Valentine's Day if you're single,
you'll probably enjoy it if you're not,
but just think of all the money you have saved...
with the shit you haven't bought.
Author - mallory
I've always lived a wild life, so here I am to document it for the world... be ready for some fun adventures, xoxo.