I've never been one to give up in my entire life, but there is a first time for everything. This subbing position has officially given me a run for my money so badly that today I am calling it quits come Friday. While the money is great for being a long-term sub, it isn't even fun to come to work every day. Since the first day of school, I have been hit with rulers, markers, bodies, hurtful words, and everything under the sun that just makes it impossible to get out of bed in the morning. My last day was almost when I walked out of the building last Thursday after being slammed into my door for not letting a student leave early. I packed all of my decorations and belongings and took them home with me and took a personal day Friday. I strongly considered not coming back at all, but I left my computer charger in my classroom and an $80 charger was worth coming back for. So I pondered over the weekend and decided to stop being a wimp, stick it out for the last 31 days of school until Christmas break. But now, it is Tuesday and I'm using my prep period to calculate just how much money I will miss out on if I switch to a daily substitute instead of long-term in the same classroom. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted and all this classroom has made me think about in the past few weeks is if I made a huge decision in switching careers to counseling. I know I am not cut out to be a teacher, I never signed up to be a teacher, I just needed something flexible to get me through the next two years of my degree and this was it. Teaching is not easy, I never said it was, but this placement is a whole new level of hard.
I have some wonderful kids, don't get me wrong. My first period Art History class is wonderful. The kids love my projects and ask me for challenges. I have gotten to know them on a personal level, what they want to be when they grow up, and they know me on a personal level, and what I want to be when I grow up (lol.). So my day starts off decent every day, but naturally the bad outweighs the good because when I have to deal with second period which has 33 kids and no aide, I barely come out alive. I started the year with a 5 gallon bucket full of markers, today I have about 50 markers left in total because they throw them, steal them, break them. I get that these kids come from a rough home life, and I get that they are going through struggles that I will never understand. But what I don't get is how they can't want better for themselves and treat others, teachers, with respect. As easy as it is to say from the outside "it's only 30 more days, tough it out", 30 more days sounds like four more years to me. These kids have made it not even enjoyable to come to class. The thought of spending my free time on weekends to come up with new and exciting lessons, grade their papers, and make worksheets just to come to school and have them call me stupid because "I lost their work that they swear they turned in", is freaking EXHAUSTING.
So yes, I am giving up and I am proud to say it. Friday will be my last day in this classroom and I am counting down the seconds. I can no longer pull myself up and out of bed in the mornings to come here and wonder what crisis is going to happen next. To my good students, I hope that you challenge yourself and do better and get out of West Philly. And to everyone else, I hope that you raise your children to be better than you because God Bless the future teachers that have to deal with mini versions of these kids someday. And lastly to the next art teacher that takes my place, good freaking luck.
Peace out, Sayre ✌🏼
Author - mallory
I've always lived a wild life, so here I am to document it for the world... be ready for some fun adventures, xoxo.