It comes in many forms... a job interview, asking that boy to prom in 2010, a DM on Instagram. No matter in what way it comes, rejection sucks regardless if you are giving or receiving. Guys (and sometimes girls) muster up all of this courage to ask you out or ask for your number or tell you you're pretty, and the receiving party is either interested or not. It's that black and white. You either like someone or you don't. You're either into it or you're not. You can't fake feelings and you can't fake a rejection.
Two weird occurrences happened to me last week that I wouldn't quite categorize as rejection, but I wasn't sure how else to include them in a topic. While working one of my many jobs with greeting cards, a young man walked up to me and said excuse me. I work the cards in major stores, so often times people interrupt me to ask me questions like what aisle the soap is in. But this kid looked me dead in the eyeballs and said "I just wanted to tell you you're really pretty", and ran away faster than I could say thank you. I went about my work and suddenly another young man ran up to me, literally picked my cardboard box that I was working out of straight up in the air, and said "I sell boxes, I just wanted to see who makes this," and off he ran too. Puzzled, I just stood there and wondered what was in the stars that day to have two random people come up and say something and then walk away. Did I look like an approachable person to them? These are just two examples of people that put themselves out there, sort of in a weird way, and for whatever personal gain that they needed. Was it validation, excitement, pleasure, who knows. But they put themselves out there and made themselves vulnerable, and I appreciate that.
I've mentioned before that I am all for the female power dynamic in our world. I'm a feminist in the sense where I think women should be more bold, not so much in the sense where men should stop asking fathers for permission to marry their daughter, but that's another story... In 2019, I think it is important for women to put themselves out there to experience the build up and the let down that men have been experiencing for so long. You never know when you will make a bold move and it will actually work out in your favor. And when it doesn't? Well, rejection is a bitch. It's hard to hear someone turn you down, but what we often don't think about is how hard it is to do the rejecting. Why do we feel guilty for being honest and saying "hey, I'm just not that into you". Why is that so hard or even rude to say to someone? Instead, people chicken out and think that ghosting is the answer. Or they come up with some extravagant lie like "I'm not looking right now", when in fact you are, or "I just started talking to someone", when in fact you have not. Why is it so hard to just be honest with people and say that you aren't interested. That their pheromones and your hormones and every other chemical DNA in your bones just doesn't see a thing with that person? Why does it matter! You do NOT need to ever justify yourself or your decisions, but for some reason, we lie. We lie and lie and avoid the truth to "spare" the other person, when in fact you don't owe them that.
Recently, I had someone DM me on Instagram that I honestly was not expecting a message from. It was a sweet message, from someone I had met recently, but I just wasn't that into it. Not for any reason at all; he was hilarious, had an awesome personality, but just wasn't for me. It took me draft after draft to create a message that wasn't rude or bitchy, that let him down gently, and that sort of apologized. (Which now I guess doesn't matter if he's an avid reader and he's reading this guide on my inner thought process). But I was at least honest. I didn't leave him on read and never answer, I didn't lie and say that I'm not looking because this blog is written proof of me waiting on my Prince Charming. I don't have an excuse as to why, it's just not in the stars for me right now. I can't explain it, and honestly, I don't need to. I am who I am and you are who you are, never apologize for that.
The point of it all is this. Rejection is going to happen. To you, because of you, it's going to be a part of your life from now until the day you die. Even when you get lucky enough to find the one and when you start your life with someone, rejection will creep up in one way or another. It is impossible to avoid it. But the important thing to remember is that you can be in control of overcoming it. You can be nicer to someone when you let them down, you can be an adult and choose to express your emotions instead of ghosting someone, you can be a better rejector (unsure if that's a word) to other people. So choose kind words instead, choose expressive and emotional conversation instead, choose to be nice instead. It's 2019. Women hold the power too, women can be equal participators, too. The future is female and the future is making rejection your bitch.
Author - mallory
I've always lived a wild life, so here I am to document it for the world... be ready for some fun adventures, xoxo.